I need to change things. I don't really know how, but realizing that things need to change is an important first step.
There comes a time when the operation of the machine becomes so odious,
makes you so sick at heart, that you can’t take part, you can’t even passively
take part; and you’ve got to put your bodies upon the gears and upon the wheels,
upon all the apparatus, and you’ve got to make it stop, And you’ve got to
indicate to the people who run it, the people who own it, that unless you’re
free the machine will be prevented from working at all.
Back in 1964 when Mario Savio said this powerful words, they meant something quite different then what they're meaning to me now.
But the idea is the same - the machine of my life has become sickening and I must push upon it and stop it. Not even stop it, but reverse it's direction.
To that end I have figured out four main points I need to accomplish.
- 1: Maintain my work and school excellence.
- 2: Do something creative or constructive or both everyday.
- 3: Involve myself in new hobbies/crafts/activities.
- 4:Make more friends.
- 4a: Start a relationship in the sense of girlfriend-boyfriend.
These are ordered in level if diffuculty as I see it. 1 is not a problem at all. 2... I usually do. 3... well, I've been writing more. And I'm thinking about learning to play guitar (Mrs. Sprout-Bean, if you read this, we are starting a band. Even if we suck at it.). 4... I don't even know where to start. I've tried talking to people, especially around my school, but it never seems to go anywhere. I'm trying.
Last but not least, I've taken up a new moniker you may see around... The Anti-Sinecurist. A sinecurist is "A position or office that requires little or no work but provides a salary". In other words a paid position doing nothing. An anti-sinecurist, then, is someone who does something that requires some or a lot of work but is not being paid for it... in my case as a labor of love. It describes why I do pretty much anything outside of my official job, and also my dislike of corperate culture.
I'm mainly using it over at Everything2, where I've begun writing as the fancy strikes me, although I also have an AIM/email account in the name. I may use it in other places, too.
Anyhow, if any of my readers (the two I know of or any lukers there may be) have any advice, please put it here in a comment. No man is an island, and I'll greatly appreciate any help I might recieve.