Friday, February 27, 2009

My life, oh, my life...

Well, I couldn't sleep 'till around 4 last night, which means I couldn't wake up until around 11 or 11:30 (I don't recall for certain).

Then I had a 5-6 hour online lecture to listen to, but I kept falling asleep during it, so I kept rewinding it to not miss anything.

By the time the class finishes, it'll be time to go to work. On the other hand, the soup I'm eating came out better than I thought it would

Then I have a pretty sucky weekend lined up. Is it too much to ask to enjoy myself once in a while?

I haven't posted...

I haven't posted in a few days, and here's why (if anyone cares?):

I'm working on a big new project. It's hard to explain, really, but it's a story. Or maybe a connected set of stories. But it's also an adventure of discover. I'm not sure what it is.

It's me being insane and writing way to many blogs.

You can find the HQ for this project over at Ver'don, for those of you who might be interested. Feedback is plenty welcome.

Monday, February 23, 2009

One Sorrow???????

Two Sorrows??????


Three Sorrows?????

Three wisemen came unto the infant Jesus.
Three ghosts came unto the greedy Scrooge.

I'd settle for three people who like me for me, to be honest.

Four Sorrows????


I have, and will, face each in equal stride.

Five Sorrows???

I count off my sins on my fingers
Shortcomings, failures, imperfections, mistakes, truths
I count and count and count until I run out of fingers.
I've only sinned five times.

And then I see another hand.
And then, I read a math book.

Numbers do not go that high.

Six Sorrows??

For the crown of our life as it closes
Is darkness the fruit thereof dust
I'll send to you one thousand roses
But for me it is Vegas or bust
Sweet, sorrowful Cupid he dozes
As we love when we can and we must

So we do what we can't for we must
And we hope for a window for each door that closes
And we watch as the guardian of our age, as he dozes
And we watch the world rust into dust
We're hollow and carved like a pitiful bust
A deadman, a gravestone with roses

We walk to the stage with fair roses
As the woman, she does what she must
We say that we're there for the acting; in truth we are there for the bust
And she cries as the curtain, it closes
And she sobs and her mouth feels like dust
For her love slumbers always - in heaven he dozes

We watch as our child dozes
And we fill up her hair with red roses
And we watch as she tumbles in dust
And we cry, but we do what we must
We must get there, for early it closes
In the doctor's, her heart we must bust

Like a damn about to bust
When the fingerboy dozes
They sob as his last eye, it closes
And it floods all the beautiful roses
And they cry, but they do what they must
Where now stand rivers there once was dust

So all things end, in the wind we are dust
And all we build will break and bust
And we know we get our judgment, for God must do as He must
When the good man of the world idly dozes
For the righteous in heaven are roses
And the rock above the villainous, it closes

So this world it closes, as was said "dust to dust"
No more wind, no more rain, no more roses, no more painting, nor bust
For the wicked man everlong dozes, but the good man will do what he must

Seven Sorrows?

Cold eyelids that hide like a jewel
Hard eyes that grow soft for an hour;
The heavy white limbs, and the cruel
Red mouth like, red mouth like a, red mouth
Like a broken record
It's like a whirlpool or a wave smashing you into the shore so crack the sky
And run as fast and as far as you can and realize you've run around the world to end up where you began
And I would walk five hundred miles and I would walk five hundred more and a thousand miles seems pretty far but I would walk to you if I had no other way and I'd be that man who'd walk a thousand miles to fall down on a far shore where the waves crash against the beach repetitive and dull and repetitive and repetitive and like a, like, like a broken record.

It's like a whirlpool, and it never ends.

It's like a red mouth like a venomous flower.
Love is poison.


I look out and see a sea of steel like an armada of capitalist beasts a symbol with our obsession over speed over now over and done with over and out and I watch as one by one they awaken their eyes glowing in the night and I hear their growls as they cough and spew poison into the air and one by one they leave and I am glad to be rid of them but then I remember that they carry human beings within their metal ribs and I begin to feel alone as the beasts dwindle like some endangered species one by one going off for greener pastures leaving me here alone to wait and how quickly they speed off not bothering to stop and talk stop and think stop and breath just stop but they won't and now I'm here alone.

Dying Nation
This Is Our Nation

Friday, February 13, 2009


There are days when I think Craig Finn is right,
'Cause I feel like I'm stuck,

stuckstuckstuck between the stations
it sticks like a broken record
everything sticks like a broken record

The crystal radio shatters and then I'm seeing visions like it's another sort of crystal
(starring at my lcd like it's lsd like this network is some sort of vision quest)
-Yeah, my nights are mostly dark but last night I dreamed in color

Yeah, she's really all that strict of a... and I wonder is she a really cool...?
I don't care if she's a damned good... but would she be that great of a...?

Sometimes I feel like walking with The Devil and John Berryman, walking down to the Blackstone... but I think of all the paintings we would be without if Van Gogh had gone and died face down...

So I walk on, no Devil nor John either, nor anyone else, I walk on because I'm stuck,

stuckstuckstuck between the stations
it sticks like a broken record
everything sticks like a broken record

Thursday, February 12, 2009

D&L Music Review 01: Eating's Not Cheating (mc chris)

I don't know anything about music, but I'll run my punk mouth any way.

Track 1 - mc chris ownz

This opener introduces us to mc's ego (mc chris ownz, I got bling up the ying - a plethora of Porsches, etc...), his sex obsessed side (Latinas on my penis, Japanese on they knees, I love all the ladies, as long as they eighteen), his drug preferences (Humidors filled with stoges filled with dro, I'm lit like a branch davidian), his geekiness (When I roll up in Kashyyyk I roll three Jedi's deep), and his mastery of reference dropping (1337-speak, Mob mythology, Star Wars (twice), 90210, The Waco Siege, Go, Kurt Cobain, The former DNC Chairman, The Matrix, Late '70s TV, and probably a few more).

In short, it's a perfect intro to mc. Musically, it's got a beat that pumps me up and a weird ringing part that sounds oddly familiar.

Track 2 - Badass

This track is blisteringly fast until the end... I love the guitar in this one, but the lyrics don't really grab me. Sometimes I find the extended telling-off at the end humerous; other times it's annoying.

Track 3 - Tractor Beam

Song's pretty simple, being all about sex, but there are a few funny points and the beat makes me want to move. I start to dance listening to this song... at least, as much as any one can dance sitting down.

Track 4 - Robot Dog

I love this song. It's so funny. The narrator, allergic to every breed of dog, orders a robotic one from Japan... He's dissapointed, though, when the dog turns against him. The dog steals all the owner's potential ladies, eats filet mignon while the owner eats alphabits (and only the consonents!), and goes in the club while his owner waits in the car...

Track 5 - Evergreen

This song's about a guy who chops and moves christmas trees, drinking, doing drugs, and chasing chicks all the while. Another catchy beat.

Well, that's under half the tracks but I have work to do and it's running late.
I'll do the rest later, folks.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

The Good Shepherd

The Real Live Preacher has done a fine job of capturing my thoughts on his latest post.
I know of only two people who read this, and one of you will probably disagree and the other won't really care, but it's really accurate to my feelings.

Real Live Preacher: The Day The World Changed

There are some good comments, too, but I've included this one by Elmer Ewing because I like it very much:

Thank you, Gordon. You have put it very well. I hear God saying something like this to me: “It’s mostly none of your business, this question of who worships me rightly, and who does not. Your business is to seek me and to find me, for I am seeking you, and I am seeking those you would judge. If I want to listen to their prayers, what concern is that of yours? Are you going to tell me that I cannot? Or if some prayers are an abomination to me, do I need you to tell me I must respond to them? Spend your time and energy instead on answering my call to you, and living accordingly. (There is room for a great deal of improvement in that.) You don’t know much, but you know enough to love other people, and to live lightly on the land, and to spend some time with me so you will do these things better. If you want to share your faith with others, fine; but be sure you are equally interested in opening yourself to their faith, or lack of it. And by the way, if you MUST draw a circle to exclude the ones you think I couldn’t possibly tolerate, make it a big, generous circle. Otherwise you might find yourself on the wrong side of the line.”

Wow. Massive spider robot ftw.

Hey, check out this cool mechanical art thing over here!
La Princesse

Courtesy of Vincent Baker over at anyway.

Friday, February 6, 2009

More Fractals?

I was going to put up some more songs, but my dad's home today and I don't think he'll appreciate the noise.

So I'm working on some more fractals. It's taking time.
I'm messing around with Ultra Fractal, which I used to be able to do some cool stuff with... I'm having to relearn everything though, so it might take some time.

And both Ultra Fractal and Apophysis (mentioned a while back) eat up CPU while rendering. Just a fair warning to those of you who want to try to make some yourself.

If you do make any fractals, put 'em up on your blog or website and send me a link. Or send the images to me and I'll put them up here and credit you.


Thursday, February 5, 2009

My Only Friend Is The City

I always thought the Red Hot Chili Pepper's "Under the Bridge" would be a perfect song for a Batman soundtrack. I mean, I'm pretty sure ol' Bruce has said things exactly like this at some point.

"Sometimes I feel
Like I don't have a partner
Sometimes I feel
Like my only friend
Is the city I live in
The city of angels
Lonely as I am
Together we cry

I drive on her streets
cause she's my companion
I walk through her hills
cause she knows who I am
She sees my good deeds
And she kisses me windy
I never worry
Now that is a lie

I don't ever want to feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all the way

Its hard to believe
That there's nobody out there
Its hard to believe
That I'm all alone
At least I have her love
The city she loves me
Lonely as I am
Together we cry

I don't ever want to feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all the way

Under the bridge downtown
Is where I drew some blood
Under the bridge downtown
I could not get enough
Under the bridge downtown
Forgot about my love
Under the bridge downtown
I gave my life away"

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Sing, sing, sing these ten lords leaping

For anyone who's reading this (Sprout-Bean? Hot Sauce? Anyone else?), today we have a "treat".
And that treat is listening to me screech horribly into my microphone. Enjoy!
(Please ignore the sick-cat howling at the end of "I'm on Fire".)

Ana Ng (From my camp days)
I'm On Fire
My Hometown
Sequel (A sequel [as one might imagine, given the title] to the song "Taxi" [which can be found below].)
We Are The Boys From Three Point (A staff song from camp.)

New Flames

I thought this one looked like the ghosts of dead clock faces. In a calculated murder of minutes, I point to the clock, so we smash it.

This one is a star, dying. The center is the explosion; outside is the stardust, pulled by invisible forces.


An abstract bouquet of roses.

I like the way the central ribbon starts out bright, but at the end turns into dust. Like life... For the crown of our life as it closes is darkness, the fruit thereof dust.

This one's funny. I imagined a bowl (the round shape at the bottom) floating in a space ship. And someone is trying to pour milk into it (the white cloud) for cereal, but it just... well, there's no gravity, so it doesn't work.

This one looks like a half-wreath, or a flower-crown. A tiara for a hippy queen?

This one makes me think of two angels dancing. I'm not sure why.

(Made using Apophysis and messing around a bit. Enjoy!)

Rondeau for a Ronin

Wave man! You choose not to die
Instead you live a life, a lie
Each dishonorable breath
You could have chosen death
Each night (without Bushido) you cry

Into heaven could you fly
If only you were brave enough to die
Instead you chose a drunken lethe
Wave man!

Your sword (once with meaning) now you ply
But your end, your end is nigh
They follow with their every breath
Men of honor, they seek your death
Every man must someday die
Wave man!

Sestina for a Samurai

Learn well the secrets of honor - Know well Bushido
Which calls you to follow unto death your Daimyo
Embody that honor in your Wakizashi
And your soul keep in your Katana
Earn well and honest your Koku
And you should never fear need of Seppeku

Too many of your brothers have fallen to Seppeku
But so it is for those who keep Bushido
Would you rather they fall to banditry for their Koku?
They choose honor in death over life without a Daimyo
To their sons go their Katana
And alone they remain with their Wakizashi

Sleep with your Wakizashi
An enemy at the gates; Seppeku
You've not time to draw your Katana
Would you be captured and still call to Bushido?
Your death will glorify your Daimyo
Your legend will be worth a hundred hundred Koku

When you've earned many Koku
Will you keep only your Wakizashi?
Become, yourself, a Daimyo
Old age itself a form of Seppeku?
You cannot retire from Bushido
Even if you give up the Katana

Keep sharp your Katana
A well-kept blade is worth more than all the Koku
It means you keep Bushido
So mind also your Wakizashi
Let it be clean if you need to call on it for Seppeku
A sharp blade well-serves any Daimyo

Would you rather be a farmer or a Daimyo?
Give up the Katana
And have no fear of Seppeku?
Scrape and beg for a single Koku?
Never to die on the edge of a Wakizashi
Oh, to live free of Bushido!

Keep well the tenets of Bushido, and serve well your Daimyo
Honor and cherish your Wakizashi; Polish and sharpen your Katana
You'll find yourself with many Koku, and need never contemplate Seppeku

Monday, February 2, 2009


Here, now (another night)
Empty, alone

I want (I'm so greedy)
People, friends

Want (truly do)
To talk
To me

To spend (time)
With me

Be (free)
Relaxed, at home
Just be

I want (real)

Ones I can (see,
touch, hear)
Not ghosts

And I (feel?)
Am greedy
Do I?

Deserve (anything?)
What I dream of?
Every night?

Another sleepless night - I am alone, underappreciated, trapped. I want to get out. Someone save me please. Take me out of here. I just want to be with other people who want to be with me.

Is that to much to ask? Does it really make me greedy?

The Road

"Let me tell you the story in the form of a dream,
I don't know why I have to tell it and don't know what it means,"

The boy looked out over the masses of people - divided, but prisoners all the same. His father's cane lay beside him as he caught his breath. "Is this", he said, "the only way... Unceasing toil and suffering? No... This will change. IT MUST CHANGE!".

(Fifteen Years Pass)

The man looks about him. The workers (prisoners still) in their masks, their beautiful unique faces hidden for the sake of life. He sees their pain and suffering, looks in the sky and sees his handiwork. He hears sirens in the distance and begins to weep quietly to himself, covering his face with his hand. Nobody hears him as he says, "This isn't what I wanted... I just... just wanted to make things better."

(Opening quote edited from Fort Minor's "Kenji". Title refers, of course, to the phrase "The Road to Hell is Paved With Good Intentions". The pictures are from

Sunday, February 1, 2009

East and West - White Flag

To the east
And to the west

They light their fires
To burn my soul

I come to them
With gifts

Peace, happiness, joy

They return my embrace
With molten shots, aimed dead-on

Still, I return
With hope sprining eternal

Peace is possible
This is my white flag