Ok. So I'm fucking losing it. I've got no friends. Well, okay.
There is this one guy.
And he's going absolutely insane. I never see him because he's so busy, and on top of everything I'm really worried about.
And then there are these other guys. I mean, I hang out with them sometimes. And they're ok. But I'm not really sure they're my friends, you know? Sometimes it feels like they're just these guys I game with, and sometimes it seems like they don't really give a shit about that.
And I'm so fucking lonely, too. I'm such a loser. I've never had a girlfriend, and probably never will. And it's not just that I don't really go anywhere where I'd meet anybody. It's that the one girl I really do care about, and the only one I can find myself really interested, seems like... I don't know... scared of me. She's so hurt and it kills me.
And my family... Well, most of my family's okay, I guess. They're neutral, really. They're just distant. It still sucks. And my immediate family is... oh, it's horrid. My mother's horrible. My father's not so bad, but there's a disconnect... He just doesn't seem to understand me. He tries, though, and I'm thankful for that.
So yeah, I have a shitty job. But because I have outmoded character traits like loyalty, I'll stay there.
So yeah, I go to a shitty joke of a school that sucks the money out of my pockets at the same time it's sucking my soul out. But I guess it's better than nothing, right? Right?
So yeah, I'm always lonely and bored. But it's not like I can go anywhere or do anything. I'm just trapped in this fucking house whenever I'm not working. And I don't know what the hell to do about it.
So yeah, I'm lonely and sad and losing my mind. Nobody really seems to want to know me. And sometimes I wonder if any one really gives a fuck.
And yeah, if you read this... Don't take it too personally. I don't blame anyone, except myself. It's my own damn fault I'm a loser. I always have been and always will be.
But whatever. I have to have hope and keep trying.
My next post'll be more upbeat and interesting and nice, I promise. Or at least I hope so.